The blog of a Minnesotan high schooler as she travels to Xi'an, China for the summer.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Airport Once Again
Sunday, August 10, 2014
The Very Last First Time
Most of the time I start a post on one day and then finish it the next, so sometimes if you're ever confused that could be the problem. Today though I don't have that luxury. Today is August 10, 2014 and it is my last day in Xi'an. Tomorrow I have to be at the school at 5 AM. We have a fairly early flight and then a really long layover in Beijing. I'm probably going to sleep on the plane to DC, without worrying too much about jetlag. I just know I will not be able to stay up for 27 hours straight again.
I actually think our plane ride tomorrow is going to be fairly interesting. We're flying out of Beijing with the students from two other cities (Nanjing and Hangzhou I think). So there will be 60 American students on one plane with only Wei Lao Shi and He Lao Shi to keep them in line. I'm just hoping I'm sitting next to Xi'an people. It'll be weird to not see them everyday. I'm definitely going to have to exchange numbers and go visit Summer at the University of Minnesota this year. The entire group was talking about establishing Skype calls so we could continue practicing together. We're also establishing a Facebook group. I think I'm finally going to cave and create a Facebook (Yes I'm 16 and I don't have a Facebook). I'll need an account to access some of the NSLI/American Councils Alumni stuff and to keep in contact with my ger men. Ger men is a term that is used like bros/homies is in the US. It's slang that implies you're close. It's also supposed to be used for guys, but we kind of used it all the time regardless.
This week has really felt weird. There was just always a thought at the back of your mind that this was the last time you were probably going to do something. Despite what I told Colleen after our graduation ceremony ("This isn't the end. This is only the beginning. We're not going to just stop talking to each other or trying to learn Chinese."), it does feel like the end, like I'll never get to do some of these things again. This thought is especially silly because I know how much more effort I'm going to put into learning Chinese so I can come back. I can't imagine a life without Bing feng (Ice Peak Soda. It's one of the best things I've ever tasted. Orange soda, but not quite) or yang rou pao mo.
The best way to describe this feeling comes from a book my class read in elementary school. The book was called "The Very Last First Time. The only reason I remember that was because the author came to read it to us and he couldn't explain the title to a bunch of five year olds. You only get one time to try something. It's not to say the other times are less important; it's just they're not the first. (Yeah I know why he was having so much trouble now). This was my first trip to China. I'll always remember it that way. And try as I might to recapture it on future visits (because yes I'm coming back) I won't be able to. Each experience will be something completely and utterly new.
I've done many things in Xi'an, lots of studying, but also exploring and eating delicious new foods. This week, even with the final test, I went a bit out of my way to accomplish a few more things on this trip.
On Monday, I went with my class to a Buddhist temple. It was the first Buddhist temple I had ever been in. The architecture was incredible. I'm sure the patrons of the temple couldn't have been too happy to have 20 foreigners barging into their sacred space, but they still greeted us warmly. They called us their "wai guo peng you" foreign friends and one man came over and started having a conversation with our groups about if we were Buddhist. Yeah, imagine trying to explain in Chinese, that you're not Buddhist, you don't know anyone in the U.S. personally that's Buddhist, but you're sure there's a small number of Buddhists in big cities. Thankfully I was with Colleen otherwise I would have been in huge trouble. I didn't even know the word for Buddhist.
The thing I found odd about this temple was the emphasis on what happens to you when you die if you did not live a proper life. I say this because there were four rather large buildings with rather vivid statues of all the horrible things. People were being cut open (in about 40 different ways), stewed in blood, eaten alive and a whole bunch of other disasters. I was honestly concerned for the little kids running around. These statues were so lifelike I could have had nightmares. I honestly don't know all that much about Buddhism. Most of what I know, I learned in my AP World History class, but before I had always thought Buddhism had a much larger focus on enlightenment. The building that held the enlightenment statues was very grand. There were very tall golden Buddhas. But the area didn't seem as intense as the areas focusing on Hell (Not sure if this is quite the proper term. I don't know if in Buddhism they call it something else.) I'm not sure if this is a common thing or just specific to the temple I was at.
After that I went to the Chinese bookstore for the last time. I bought a lot there. I found the Chinese version of Tarzan. I wanted a Disney movie and they had so many. The bookstore oddly didn't have Mulan so I settled for another one of my favorites. I also bought an easy-reader Sherlock Holmes book. And by easier reader I mean I'll have to look up 1/5 words not 1/3. I bought two pictures book with pinyin that are more my level. One is Disney's Aladdin and the other is some Chinese story. I saw the word magic and I thought why not. On Monday, the bookstore had the first Harry Potter book. Guess who now has three country's versions of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone?
On Tuesday, we had the final presentations. It definitely went better than I thought it did. I apparently talk faster when I'm nervous because I shaved off almost two minutes from my speech. Despite that my speech went really well, 21.5/22. Wei Lao Shi even spotlighted it. She spotlighted one from each class. Colleen and Olivia were also spotlighted. Colleen's was really good. I understood very little of it, but even I was impressed. She had no notecards and no PowerPoint. She just spoke as naturally as she was breathing. Her topic was on China and the history of its relationship with the environment (so an in depth look at air pollution, but she couldn't offend anyone so she had to mention how it was so much better than it used to be). My goal is for one day my Chinese to be that good.
On Wednesday, I went on a bit of an adventure. My host family went to the grandparent's house in the village. My host mother gave me 100 Yuan and told us to eat at the restaurant downstairs. The restaurant was basically the Chinese equivalent of fast food. It had rou jia mo and bing feng, but still fast food. Katie and I decided we wanted a bit more than fast food. We asked Wei Lao Shi and He Lao Shi for recommendations. They told us about this little Muslim restaurant by the school. I heartily recommend it to anyone who ever finds themselves in Xi'an. It had a little red and green sign that says "niu mian" or beef noodles. Katie and I ordered by pointing at the menu. We recognized the words beef and lamb on two inexpensive dishes and ordered those. They were so good. Despite being in China, we don't eat a lot of rice. That's more of a southern China thing while we're in the North. (Technically the mountains that run through Xi'an are the divide but they consider themselves North) One of the dishes was literally beef fried rice. While that one was delicious (one of the best things I've eaten in Xi'an. It had mushrooms cut up in it and the entire dish, I can't even describe I'm rambling and my mouth is salivating.), the lamb dish was better. It was a stir-fry with green peppers, onions and lamb all over rice. The sauce was exquisite and I've really been missing onions. (When I get home, I want to eat onion rings.) Katie and I finished both heaping plates. Luckily we had the walk home so we didn't feel too indulgent.
I'm not sure how people do it here. They seem to eat so much food. My host grandmother tries to get me to eat my body weight at every meal, and yet they're still fairly slim. Sarah's host mother asked her to help her sister learn how to exercise because the sister was too fat. Now in America, this girl would be incredibly thin, one of those people you watch to make sure they're actually eating and not anorexic. But here she's considered fat. I really don't understand that because I have seen heavier Chinese people here too. Not everyone is incredibly skinny. I just really found those comments odd. Maybe the heat helps with digestion or something, because I certainly feel like I'm sweating away into nothing everyday.
Because my family wasn't really coming home until later on Wednesday night, I decided to take the opportunity to explore before dinner. I had originally planned to go to the bookstore, because I forgot to buy a cookbook, but I couldn't find my way there. I ended up getting on the metro. I really don't think my blog posts show just how much I adore the metro. I wish I could have found it earlier so I could have just gotten on and went somewhere random to explore from there. I went back to the Muslim Quarter because it was raining lightly and I figured the vendors would be more open to lower prices. I was right. The ink stone one vendor had wanted for 60 Yuan on Sunday (after being bargained down from 100), I bought for 25.
I happened to find the Great Mosque while I was in Hui Ming Jie. I don't know how I missed it the first time, but I was just glad I found it then. Seeing the Great Mosque was on my bucket list of things to do in Xi'an. (So was climbing Hua Shan and going inside the Wild Goose Pagoda. As of today I have accomplished all those things.)
I came at the perfect time too. Right as I was about to leave, all the Muslims were called to come pray. I wasn't sure if I was allowed to stay in the area at that point so I began to leave. Luckily I saw an Italian tour group coming in right then, so I stopped turned around and went back to my spot looking in the doors of the Prayer Hall.
I feel like everyone should watch a Muslim pray before they die. I know this sounds like an extremely weird statement. It is, but there's also something incredibly moving about their type of prayer. Everyone takes off their shoes as they enter the hall. (There was an amusing little pile outside on the mats.) Then they proceed to the side of the room that's facing Mecca. As a group, they rise up and down, standing, bowing and kneeling. There's one man at the front who's singing/saying something in Arabic. It's very synchronized and incredible to watch.
Because I stayed a little longer in the Muslim Quarter than I had expected, I was on the metro at 6:30 PM. Now there's rush hour and there is Chinese rush hour. I'm not even sure how it was possible to fit so many people into one space but we did. It was a very long four ride (despite the fact it was only four stops).
What I find odd is how little people actually know about the metro. I was fairly sure I was the only non-Chinese person in the station at one point. The metro is incredibly effective, fast and even foreigner friendly with an English setting (which I did not use) on the ticket machine.
I was such a rare site on the metro that the people behind me started playing the guess where the wai guo ren is from game. They said "Oh she has good Chinese" (in Chinese obviously) and then began spitting out country names. Apparently I look Canadian and American. They couldn't decide between the two. I found it weird that they thought I was Canadian because I haven't heard of any Canadians in China. When you guess where someone is from (NSLI kids play the guessing game too), you have to remember that 50% of the time the foreigner is from Australia. The next safest guess is Russia because apparently a lot of students come to China for University. (Wei Lao Shi said there are areas in China where signs are written in Chinese and Russian instead of Chinese and English.) After that, if they speak English, most people assume American. So yeah, I was pretty surprised they thought I was Canadian.
I posted on Thursday. So I don't really have anything to add about that. It was just really weird studying for the final test. I still don't know how I did. I just know I passed because I was given a fancy graduation certificate.
Friday was interesting. Stressful but still interesting. I knew we were close but it was still very weird to spend the day together knowing that this would be the last time we had class together. The test was difficult but not impossible. I was most proud of the speaking test. I nearly broke down on the last question. The teachers asked what my opinion of them was. I had no idea how to convey my gratitude in English let alone Chinese. These two women have spent all their time the last six weeks making sure that not only we learned Chinese, but also were feeling comfortable. We played games when they saw we were anxious. They gave no homework on days we looked like we were about to collapse from exhaustion. They had honest to goodness conversations with us. Tong and Zhuang Lao Shi knew more about me than some of my American teachers did. It's hard to believe it's only been six weeks.
After class, we had rehearsal for our graduation ceremony. Each class was required to perform something. Our play was actually pretty funny. It was like the Bachelor Ancient China style. Alex was the emperor and he had to choose a wife. Michal was his mother who was helping him choose. Amanda was the palace girl who had one line about how the weather was good today and then fanned Alex the entire time. The rest of us were potential brides. All the potential brides had a special talent. Katie did Gong Fu. Jade hula-hooped and then danced with Alex because they have some awesome moves. Aaron played the er hu. I sang.
Now singing at the graduation ceremony turned into a bit of a disaster. I had to sing something in Chinese and the only song I already knew was a simple one that Aaron was playing on the er hu so I couldn't sing that. I attempted to learn the lyrics to the Chinese version of Let it Go, because if worse came to worse I knew the melody. I say attempted because in the end it didn't go all that well. I was so nervous because I didn't have it quite down. We arrived early to practice and so I had also been singing for almost an hour and a half straight. Needless to say my voice gave out during the actual performance. I also had to sing the verses in English, which meant I was getting a glare from Wei Lao Shi the entire time. I think I had the hardest job of the potential brides. They all were doing things that they already knew. I had to learn something completely different.
Our play was incredibly funny despite my problems. Aaron was very convincing as a girl. He did this odd sort of shuffle walk and spoke in falsetto. Alex and Aaron had this hilarious moment where they have to stare at each other's face for five seconds. Literally nothing is happening on the stage but the staring. There's no music either. As they were done staring, "My heart will go on" from Titanic started to play. They would do the signature Titanic pose before Alex picked up Aaron and spun him around. There would then be more loving staring before Aaron would reach up, stroke Alex's beard before saying "I like your hair" (wo xi huan ni de tou fa). Alex would reply, "I really like your face" (wo zhen xi huan ni de lian). These weren't the original lines. We just spent nearly a half hour working with Alex because he couldn't say the mushy "I love you. My heart has always longed for you. Where have you been all my life" stuff. Zhuang Lao Shi wouldn't let him take out one line though. So after the awkward exchange on complements, they both say "ni shi wo de soul mate." (Yes that does say soul mate. Soul mate is apparently a common Chinese term. ) As if that wasn't enough, Michal would break up their hug, walking straight through them and begin to sing If You're Happy And You Know It.
After rehearsal, despite the rain, I walked to the chao shi (supermarket). I wanted to pick up some candy to bring back to America and also try and find presents for my host family. I gave my stuff at the beginning because that's what we were told to do. I had nothing of really any value left.
Supermarket shopping wasn't all that successful in that regards. Actually in general I wasn't that successful. On Saturday, we went back to the chao shi. Candy is preparing for her trip to America so she was looking at travel pillows. They didn't buy one so I thought Oh I can make a going to America bag. I had a UofM bag left so I thought I could make it work. Tonight, Candy was trying to help me pack. I was already packed at this point with my two large suitcases sitting in the hall. She saw my neck pillow and asked what it was. I showed her and she automatically ran to her mom to show her. They really liked the pillow. The problem was they then went and discussed exactly how much better it was than Chinese neck pillows. After Candy and I were alone, I asked her about the pillow I bought. Her first words were, "Bring it back to your parents". I tried to explain that I bought it for her family and that despite what her mom said would she like it. Candy just kept repeating "bring it back to your parents. It's Chinese why don't you bring it back to your parents." Now this pillow was kind of big, I tried to use that as my argument. She still kept saying bring it back to your parents. The neck pillow was also apparently a car pillow so it was even more "unsuitable" which I thought was crazy considering it is identical to every neck pillow I have ever seen.
Eventually I got the picture, let the subject drop and put my own pillow in the gift bag. It had only been used on the flight here. So it wasn't like it was in bad condition. I was just slightly annoyed because Candy would never come straight out and tell me it was awful. (I was also frantic at this point because I needed something to give my family anything. I had spent time searching, but I was hardly ever outside of their vision.) This pillow was also the most expensive thing I bought in China. I was just so done at that point and I didn't want my family to hate me. Katie had divided up her gifts into beginning and end gifts with the more expensive ones at the end. I originally planned to buy my family flowers because Alex said he had bought some near the chao shi. Katie went into a fit about how that would antagonize them even more if I gave the gifts first and that we should do it at the same time. Guess who gave her gift today as soon as she could without talking to me at all?
I didn't find the flower shop anyway. I had bubble tea (I'm going to need to find a place that has bubble tea in America.) and walked around in the rain for a while before just finally deciding to return to the house. Despite the rain, I walked home. I thought it would be weird to explain to Jasmine where I was. "Oh you know I don't have a thank you gift for you so I was just looking around". There was also a bit of nostalgia going into that judgment. I wanted to have a last time walking home.
The traffic was worse than I had ever seen it. I followed a gay couple with a pink umbrella across the street. I figured they at least seemed to know what was going on. It probably would have been better if I just crossed on my own. They didn't always have the best judgment. This could just be my western point of view. I mean we didn't get hit but it was definitely more chaotic than normal.
I walked about halfway. When I got to the aquarium, I flagged down one of those adorable little motorized cart things. I took that the rest of the way home. I was actually so proud of my communication skills because he started to go the wrong way and I was able to stop him and redirect him. I arrived soaking wet but extremely pleased with myself.
Friday night, my host father, Katie and I did tea ceremonies out on the balcony. He walked both of us through step-by-step, giving instructions about every little detail. He also burned incense while we practiced the ancient art of the tea ceremony. That just made it even more memorable.
Okay speed round because I have to go to bed. I can elaborate later.
Saturday: Graduation Ceremony. Chao Shi buying Chinese ingredients I could bring back home. Bei Lin because I was sick when my class went. Host grandmother taught me to make bao zi. (I'm awful). Began packing
Sunday: Candy and I went inside the Wild Goose Pagoda and climbed the 7 flights of stairs to the top. Yang Rou Pao Mo with host grandfather. Finished Packing. Was given Chinese music by Candy. Went out to Candy's favorite restaurant that had soup filled dumplings and a Sichuan dish that was delicious. (My family is very confused by my relationship with spice. I will like some spicy dishes but not others. The thing is most dishes in this region when they mean spicy, they really mean covered in red pepper. I like spice when it enhances the flavor. When all I can taste is my mouth on fire, we have a problem. ) Then we went park dancing.
Okay. That's all I have time for now. I have to get at least a little sleep. I'll see most of you very soon.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Paved with Good Intentions
I know I said I wouldn't write but writing is sometimes the only way to clear my head. There's been a situation in my host family, a situation that I've only made worse.
I've always been close to Candy. Even right after I moved in, we just sort of understood each other. I got a huge hug almost instantly despite the fact that the Chinese hardly ever hug. I think it was because I was used to having siblings and sharing a space. I could make her smile and she could explain things in English when I honestly had no idea what was going on. I remember thinking when Katie first moved in, I could handle being second best as long as Candy still likes me.
The thing is that's not what happened. I'm nobody's second fiddle. It would be so much simpler if that were the problem, especially with our final tomorrow. The problem started Tuesday night. I was absolutely exhausted. I fell asleep midpost and definitely a whole lot earlier than usual. Apparently that night Candy was absolutely terrified of giving her speech on Saturday at the graduation ceremony. I know the speech. I've been proofreading it and practicing with her for almost a week now. I've fixed every odd sentence and explained the idea of tenses and English vs. American spelling. I've corrected her pronunciation so she says "talked" instead of "talkED". We always do this when we have a lot of spare time. This time coincidentally is typically Katie free. It's not intentional. That's just what happens. Katie didn't even know Candy had a speech, let alone three. (1 for graduation, 2 for her trip to America)
And that my friend is the majority of the problem. My host mother thinks Katie is being selfish for not helping Candy with her English. She didn't say this to us though. She told Wei Lao Shi after Candy had her panic attack Tuesday night while I was asleep and Katie refused to help her because she was skyping her mom. Now Candy isn't very assertive and you can really only tell something is wrong if you can read people pretty well (so if you grew up with siblings). It seemed simple enough for Katie to say "I'll help you after I finish talking to my mom," but then afterwards it appeared the entire household was asleep. So she did the natural thing and got ready for bed.
Now I know one of the reasons this problem is so big is because I've not been the ideal example of a proper host student. Besides the first two weeks where I spoke a lot of English (because it was English or not talking because I was really not comfortable or proficient enough in Chinese), I'm always ready to help Candy study. I'm still so nervous about being a burden to my host family. If they want to do something, I'm all for it. I'll stay up late to finish homework if necessary. Katie does not have the same attitude. She's always extremely conscious about the amount of homework we have (which isn't a bad thing). This just means we've stopped strolling and talking after dinner and go straight home. Just little things that really add up.
My host mom is also really stressed. She's incredibly nervous about Candy going to the U.S. She's taking her frustration out on Katie. I'm sure it isn't just things Katie's doing. I'm probably just as frustrating. I know most of the time I'm not entirely sure what's going on. But the only thing my host mother was able to complain about me was that she didn't think I could use the washing machine (which I do. So that was confusing). I mean after the whole why isn't Laura talking thing.
Everything is very passive aggressive. We weren't even aware there was a problem until Wei Lao Shi told Katie. Katie was a distraught. We were now going to practice with Candy a half hour each. I couldn't have cared what schedule we set up. The second I knew Candy was scared, I automatically wanted to reassure her and if spending a little extra time would do that I would be more than happy to.
I didn't think though. The problem was I was always willing to offer help when Katie wasn't. My continued help could make the entire situation worse.
And I did. I guess I just thought we were both taking a half hour. How would my help make things worse especially when it made Candy smile and breathe normally? Candy was going to be just fine.
Later when Candy was helping with my homework (and the second we were alone), she tried to make sure Katie was okay and that Wei Lao Shi hadn't been really angry or anything. I thought everything would be alright.
It wasn't today Katie cried most of the day. I wanted to help, but wasn't quite sure how. Katie's nice, but I've never felt like we've really connected. I had no idea what sort of comfort I could offer, especially because I was the problem.
After lunch, we had a conversation with Wei Lao Shi. She started talking about how there were always problems when there were three people living in a house. She said she saw a problem like this coming. It didn't help the awful feeling in the pit of my stomach when Wei Lao Shi said the situation was basically irreparable without letting me explain my side of the story.
I helped Candy because I couldn't stand the idea of Candy being as nervous as I was for the final speech. No one deserves that. I helped Candy because I felt personally responsible because I wasn't there for her when she needed me. I wasn't even aware she had a breakdown until long after. I didn't have that sense of responsibility as Wei Lao Shi seems to think because I helped write the speeches (which Katie had no idea even existed). I felt responsible because the girl I consider my sister was in pain. I'm sorry if I ruined Katie's relationship, but I can't say I'm sorry I could make the frantic look leave Candy's eyes.
Now, I can hear Katie help Candy practice as I write this. They're still talking in mostly Chinese. I'm not sure how Katie is helping with Candy's English if they're not speaking English.
Okay, I've had my rant. Back to frantic studying.